airbornewife

If we could just decide on a name....

2007-09-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

Well.....still pluggin along. It has been a different deployment this time around. Different adjustments. I am 19 weeks and 2 days pregnant now...and its a BOY!!!! Yes, hubby was thrilled about that, of course. We are torn between James Henry and James Patrick...but I think we will know when we meet him.

My big ultrasound is tomorrow...the half way mark. My mom is going with me, so it will be fun for her. THere is not much else to report now, so i will update tomorrow after the doc visit.

Got a little butterbean!!!

2007-07-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Well, today I had my last ultrasound for awhile. I am moving to my regular OB, so they don't do as many ultrasounds as the fertility program. But thats ok. It just means I have made it far enough along to go to a normal doctor!!!
Seeing the little hearbeat and little arms and legs is so cool! I am glad the hubby was there for the first few ultrasounds, because he will miss most the rest. But, he will be home for delivery, and that is the most important part!
He leaves in about a week to mobilize, then a week or two after that to fly over. I feel so different this time. Its not the same sort of worry and nervousness. Don't get me wrong...I am a sad that he won't be here for most of the pregnancy. But this time around I feel better prepared to deal with everything. We will see how long that lasts!!!!

This will be a doozy of an update......

2007-06-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not even sure if anyone reads this anymore....but I guess its a place for me to vent anyway.
So...many things have been happening. We did find a new house. It wasn't quite where I thought it would be, but it worked out for the best. Lots more room and in a great neighborhood. It's a good thing we have more room now....because WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!!
I am just over 6 weeks now. We had a our first ultrasound and saw that little heart beating. I have another one in a few days.
And, of course, my hubby is deploying....AGAIN. I am not sure when. He will probably leave around the end of July.....maybe sooner. But, he should be home by February, so that's the most important thing.
I know its quick update.....but gotta take advantage of my Sunday and get away from this computer!!!

The new house is a bust...

2007-02-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

Well, he hated the new house. I found it first....set up the inspection...he saw it for the first time today, and hated it. I am dissapointed beyond belief. Thought I could write about it, but nevermind. Maybe later.

Holy cow.....

2007-02-15T05:52:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I haven't written anything in so long.....yes I can. Since he has been home, everything has been crazy. We had alot more adjusting to do than we thought we would. I'm sure most of it was me, well...let's say it was about even. It was a hard deployment for him.......meaning he lost some good people.
As soon as he was home we started trying to get pregnant again...but its not what you think. We have to go through a fertility treatment program, and its anything but intimate. Everything is planned and calculated, and way more stressful. I think we jumped into that too fast. Things were not working and I was getting frustrated, it was just too much too soon.
Anyway, now we are selling our house and moving closer to the city, which i LOVE!!!! Mainly because we live so far away from eveything and it really has gotten old....all the commuting and stuff. The other reason is because he has to leave.....AGAIN. We think its going to be around May. Well, in April he will go to Fort Bragg, then off to whereever for 6 months....HE JUST GOT BACK, or at least it feels like it. He has only been home since September.....oh well. We are supposed to close on our new house at the end of March, so it will be good to have a big project to occupy my time. I am excited and nervous all in one.....we will see how this one goes!

Ready to get back to our life?

2006-09-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

"Ready to get back to our life?"
That's one of the first things Jeff said to me when he gave me a long awaited hug.
I drove down to Hattiesburg last Sunday night...a week ago today. He called earlier that day to let me know that he was in MS and said that if I was there he could see me because they were letting them go for the night, but they had to be back in the morning to process. (I was supposed to go down that Monday). Well, I promptly jumped in the car and drove the four hours to see him. Four hours was nothing compared to Afghanistan!! I got there at about 8:30pm. It was awesome....I was so excited, I barely remember the drive down. A few days later we went to Jackson, MS and stayed at a wonderful B&B. It was truly like a second honeymoon!
We got home Thursday afternoon...just in time to meet the little one as she got off the school bus. He soon discovered that she wasn't so little any more! She is in 7th grade now and growing like crazy!!! They hugged for a few minutes and that was the first time I almost really lost it!! She is so happy that her dad is home!! We all are!!
It has been a long year....I think we are still a little numb to everything. Maybe it will hit us later that he is really home...maybe this is it? Who knows...we are just taking one day at a time. I can already tell that we have grown in ways that people that have been married for 20 years have yet to achieve. Our two year anniversary is coming up in October....it seems longer, but in a good way.
I will update more later....I just wanted everyone to know that my baby is home and safe...watching college football and helping around the house...things he says "feels like heaven!"
I am really ready to get back to our life!

He's on American soil!!!

2006-08-27T04:59:00.000-07:00

YIIIIPPPPEEEEE!!!!!!

I got the best wake up call at 6 o'clock this morning......Jeff is at Fort Bragg!!!! I hadn't spoken to him in a week a two days....and the first phone call I get I found out he is on American soil....what a great feeling! It makes me want to get in the car right now and drive up there, but I know i can't. He still has to fly to MS and process out. SO....I have taken the whole next week off of work. I am driving to MS tomorrow to be there right when they let him go. They may cut him loose Monday, at the latest Tuesday....either way I am going to already be there! We are planning to stay in Jackson for a few days. I have reservations set up....the last night at a really cool B&B that a Southern Living travel editor suggested I check out...its going to be so cool! I anticipate alot of hibernating! We will probably just stare at each other for awhile and be amazed that we are actually in each other's actual physical space!
I am a little nervous....not sure why. I know all the information about PTSD and the FRG has given us some great information about dealing with your soldier coming home from a combat zone. Because Jeff is a police officer, we sort of deal with a certain amount of stress on a day-to-day basis here at home. I know that war is a totally different environment, but I can't help but feel like we won't have too much adjusting to do. His attitude is one of a hardened cop and soldier, so I really don't anticipate alot of the expected problems that some soldiers might face. That's not too say that we aren't aware of the problems, I guess I just feel more comfortable than if he was a young soldier coming home from his first deployment to a job that is 180' different from the military. In a nutshell, he still has to wear a vest and carry a gun to work everday...if you know what I mean!
Anyway, I can't believe that I can actually say I will see him maybe tomorrow. At least by Tuesday! This has been a long year... I can't believe in September it will be a year. He is a week or two early, which is fine by me. This time last year we were getting ready for all this and now we are getting ready to be together again....its crazy!!! I know we have both learned so much and will continue to do so. I just can't wait to get my hands on him.

Less than two weeks!!!!!

2006-08-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

Well.....I doubt anybody even reads this anymore....since i haven't posted anything in over a month. Life has just been crazy...as usual. The last thing I heard from Jeff was that he was two hours from getting on a plane to head to Bagram. That means that he has officially started his journey back home. He will possibly stay there a few days, then catch the first of, I am sure, a few flights to the States....HOLY MOLY....I can hardly believe it!!!
I have planned to meet him at his DEMOB location...whenever that is. I have learned to use words like whenever and phrases like "in a few days" more and more. You really have to be flexible with the military, because you never know!
I have almost finished my first week at a new job....working in the test kitchen for a major publishing company. Chances are you many of you have cookbooks that this company has published. It is an absolute dream job! Vacation days, sick days, paid holidays, PERSONAL DAYS!!! If you're in the restaurant industry you know that those sorts of benefits are very few and far between. I can't be happier with the choice I have made. It will be better for everybody. Better hours and have tried to imagine what its going to be like to see him and I don't even know what to think. I know I will be giggly and all smiles....that's for sure. Its hard to get too excited just yet because I still don't know exactly when he will be here...I just know that it will be less than two weeks.
If we can make it through this, we got everything else licked!!!!

For the record....

2006-07-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone noticed that every now and then Jeff leaves comments about my posts. And for the record...yes, I will have him painting, cleaning, building or moving something ten minutes after he gets home and he will love every minute of it because that is the kind of man he is....AWESOME!!!!!!!

Almost done....

2006-07-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

As of today it has been 181 days since Jeff as been in country. Keep in mind that he was activated three months before that, so he really has been gone longer than the 181 count.
I finally heard from him today, it had been a week and three days. I had not quite reached the freak out point, but I was close.
We are stronger than ever now. I am a little nervous about him coming home. Only because, well, I'm not really sure why. I am mostly anxious now because we are so close to the end. He might be home by mid-August....they never give us hard dates. I don't know if that is because he is SF or what.
I have tried to get everything done at the house...just have the quarter round on the hardwood floors to go. But if it gets done it does and if not, oh well. I have learned to let so much roll off my back now.
My best friend had a baby five months ago and I am helping her alot. It is great training for me, since we will start trying again when he gets back. It is a healthy distraction to have while Jeff is gone. Helping Loren has really made me think about what it would be like to have my own child. I know in my heart that Jeff would be a wonderful father...he has already proven that with his own children. He is such a good man...a good person.
I have really missed our life together since he has been gone. It has really hit home the last few weeks....especially since the end is so near. I have gotten a few boxes of stuff from him lately. Mostly winter clothes that he doesn't need...but a few trinckets (sp?) and things. Even a part of a Russian mig for my dad!! My dad was a C130 pilot in the Air Force during Vietnam, so I guess Jeff wanted to send him home some aircraft stuff.
He also sent a really cool teapot, some necklaces, and some cups....all kinds of cool stuff. I know there are tons of stories to hear and tons of pictures to see. I just can't wait to see his face....minus the mustache!!! He promises to shave!!!!
It has been a long hard road to travel down....I just hope the end is near. Being able to see light at the end of the tunnel is exciting and yet unbelievable. I have trained myself for so long not to think too far into the future and to live day by day, that its hard to think that in a few weeks he might be home. I get so excited and then I tell myself to calm down and just think about tomorrow.
All I know is that when he gets home, I want to hug him so tight and I know I will never want to let him go again.

Let the posting resume!!!!

2006-05-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

It has been WAY too long since the last time I posted anything....obviously.
I just felt like being way private with what Jeff and I just went through. We hit a low point that was scary for both of us. Lots of changes have happened to us in the past two years and the deployment was just one of them.
I guess you could say we had sort of a worldwind romance when we met. We married fairly quickly, but I think we were so passionate and excited to have found each other that we just couldn't let the other get away? I don't know. We moved into a new house and started a whole new life...then of course came the deployment.
We were foolish to think that we would come out of this deployment unscarred. But like I just told one on my friends, scars heal. They can also teach you about yourself. They can show you your faults as well as your strengths. (And they can give you some cool stories to tell later on down the road.)
The most important thing is that Jeff and I are now straight. He can concentrate on his job there and I can keep my head clear here. We have some work ahead of us, I am not going to deny that, I don't think he would either.
Just gotta keep counting down the days......

Long time no blog.....

2006-04-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

Yes.. I know its been awhile. Can't really say why. It just has been difficult to write about lately.
The homefront is fine. The weather has been beautiful and its finally getting hot. Jeff has been moving around over there a little more and he makes another move soon. Our communication will most likely change, for the worse. I think we have been almost spoiled so far. We talk almost every day in some form or fashion...whether its text messaging, email, or phone calls. We have hit a few bumps in the road to say the least, but I honestly don't want to go into them in this forum. I really don't know how to process it myself, so I wouldn't do a good job here. I feel sad, mad, angry, lonely, all those things...but mostly numb. I guess its a defense mechanism.
I really wish I had some enlightening things to say. I have done a great deal of soul searching lately. I don't even know what that means. I guess just trying to get back to things that I know makes me who I am. I am just trying to kill time...Ha! Time, your worst enemy or best friend. Right now I am undecided.

Deployment sucks......

2006-03-26T21:32:00.000-08:00

After 83 days of deployment and over a month of not posting anything.....all I can say at this time is that deployment sucks. Sorry I have nothing inspiring or supportive or for that matter interesting to say......I have reached a point of ickiness that I know will pass, but until then......

I feel like a sponge.....

2006-02-20T07:19:00.000-08:00

Wow...I think my brain is approaching information overlood. What a busy weekend. Between my dad going into the hospital, my brother dealing with a death on his fiance's side of the family, to going to the big FRG meeting, I am pooped!!
My dad is ok...it was just a little scary because the same day they let him out, he had to go back. He is home now and doing fine. He is the last man I would picture in the hospital, he won't even take tylenol.
My brother and his fiance are doing well. It was a long illness for her aunt, so the family was as prepared as they could be, considering.
As for the FRG meeting, it was great! Meeting all the other wives, well a handful anyway, and becoming part of this deployment even more is comforting. I am an even bigger fan of Military Onesource. What a great source of information and help. From plumbing questions to financial problems, to childcare...it truly is a one source of information.
Jeff and I have communicated through the webcam finally. Its like we really get to visit, a little! We can talk to each other most of the time over the internet..so its really cool to do both.
I'm glad February is winding down..that means two months under our belts...only 7 or so to go.... maybe. I have learned my lesson with the military. You never know. But hey, what ya gonna do?

First FRG meeting....

2006-02-11T06:21:00.000-08:00

Well, this morning we are on our way to the first FRG meeting. The first thing I plan to ask about is whether or not everyone else thinks Tricare stinks like I do. I have had the worst experience with this whole insurance change. Maybe it was just my bad luck, but the first primary care physician we were assigned turned out to be horrible so I requested a change. They approved the change right away, but now we have to start the whole process over. And that means waiting a month for the first appointment to get everthing set up so all the referrals can be made, again. So as of right now, I can't do anything. I can even see the doctor I have seen for five years because I don't have a referral. Everyone I have talked with about Tricare has not had great things to say about the coverage.
I understand that we are not close enough to a military post or base so things are a little different and there are a few more hoops to jump through. But, JEEZ, its hard enough for your spouse to be deployed, why does the insurance have to be difficult as well. I guess I just don't understand why your family is expected to make all these sacrifices and changes, and rightfully so because it comes with territory. So, why can the insurance be better and less confusing? The insurance is completely manageable, I guess I just thought that after almost five months of activation this would all be worked out. We will get it straight. Who knows? Maybe I will figure it all out before he gets home?? HA!!
Hopefully today I will receive some tips and advice from people who have been through this numerous times. I guess I am just a novice at the deployment. It is so much better now that we have settled into a routine. So far nothing has happened that I can't handle. I guess I shouldn't speak so soon. Some car trouble, garage roof leaking, and impending puberty.
Only thing about the car trouble is finding a ride when your car is being fixed. We live about 45 minutes outside of the city, so it can be a little tricky. Thankfully I have really good friends that don't mind driving out to the "boondocks." (Thanks Les) As for the garage, we have made our first insurance claim on our house, (thanks Hurricane Katrina) and after the deductible we have, oh, about $39 to fix the problem. Yeah, very helpful!
As for puberty, having a 12 year old in the house is quite interesting. Especially when you have had a crash course in parenting over the past two years. The little one is my stepdaughter, she lives with us full time. So, before Jeff left I had about a year and a half of being a new parent. I am so lucky to have her around. She is an amazing child that always teaches me something. We have had no problems adjusting to each other. In fact, I think she was craving some female guidance. Don't get me wrong, Jeff has done a wonderful job. It has just been the two of them for several years. She got a double whammie having a Dad that is a police officer and in the Army. But when it comes to learning to shave legs, crushes, and all the other girly stuff, I think I arrived just in time!! I fell in love with both of them. As I tell his Mom all the time, I needed them as much as they needed me. So, I look at this time with her as a great chance for us to get to know each other even more. This will be our chance to really get comfortable and become even better friends. So far so good! Thank goodness she is still into Care Bears and playing kickball with the neighborhood kids!

One month down...

2006-02-05T17:49:00.000-08:00

I can't believe January is over. It seems like it went by fast, but it seems like Jeff has been gone forever. It gets better each day though. We sort of have a phone call schedule. We usually get to talk every other day and I get an email from him almost every day. Although I haven't heard from him in a few days now...but that's to be expected.
He has sent me close to 50 pictures. I've started arranging and labeling them in an album. He gets hairier and hairier in each new picture!! They have adopted a new kitty...ComoCat. Its a little orange kitty that showed up and never left. Jeff said that back home none of these guys probably even liked cats, but almost everyone takes care this kitty.
Its superbowl Sunday...I tried to get into the game, but I don't really like football, so there you go. College basketball I love, so I am really looking foward to March. Football always makes me think of Jeff anyway. He said they were going to try to watch it, but who knows.
I'm going to my first FRG meeting in a couple of weeks. I guess I am excited, if thats the right word. Mostly curious. Its hard to get excited about a five hour drive on my only day off that week. But I think it will be good to meet other families that are dealing with this deployment.
Jeff has finally gotten the mail I sent him. I sent a package of magazines, a local newspaper, and other stuff that I knew he would want to read. The mail goes to Bagram first and then to their location, but you never know when a plane can get to where he is. So this whole mail thing might not be that great.
Another thing is that he erased all the music on his ipod, accidently of course. So I am in the process of burning all the music we have and sending several, to say the least, cds his way. We had just talked about how he is so glad to have that music with him because he said it really helps him when he is missing home. We will get it straight somehow.
Just getting ready for another week. Planning a trip to Memphis this weekend, should be fun. Anything to make the time go by faster. You hear all your life to slow down and enjoy the moment, that time will fly by and then you will wonder where it all went....I don't really give a hoot about that right now. I just want my husband back.

Rainy days.....

2006-01-21T09:09:00.000-08:00

Just a rainy Saturday...not much to do. That is a welcome change.
I've heard from Jeff more in the last few days than I have since September..almost!! He is now in a place where the phones and email are more accessable. We have spoken everyday since Wednesday! Crazy.
He is doing well...so are we. Just anxious for spring. I get tired of winter so quickly. The stars this time of year are beautiful though. When the sky is clear out here, the stars just shine. I leave for work when its still dark, so every now and then I take a minute to gaze before I leave. The other night, the moon was full and a few clouds were out, it was amazing. Night skies like that make me forget for a minute.
When we were young, my mom would sometimes take my brother and me to the middle of nowhere late at night and we would watch the stars. She always knew when a meteor shower was happening. We would climb on top of the car and just stare for hours. I always thought that was so cool.
The moon and stars have always had some significance in our lives. My grandfather owned a marina on the Alabama River. Every full moon, him and his friends would take the boat out in the middle of the night and howl at the moon. No joke.
Jeff and I were engaged during the full moon. We spent our first few weeks in our new house and new marriage just sitting on the back deck, looking out over the pasture and watching the sky. The most amazing lightening show I have ever seen was right here with him and the little one. We silently observed a spectular sight together.
Everytime I see the sky now, I wonder what it looks like where he is. I tell myself that at least we are still under the same sky.
Its all so strange and exciting at times, wondering what things are going to change between us. What will become stronger, what weaker. I feel that way when he is here. Maybe that's why we work. We never try to settle into one thing. We are far from routine, but have our own way. Our differences allow for so many new conversations.
Time apart brings up new questions. About the relationship, about yourself. I have to say I have a new perspective on what is important. All the little things that would bother or annoy me don't exist any more. He was already teaching me that life is short and you have to love every day. He has lost alot of friends in his line of work.....we have all lost friends and family. Just realizing how quickly things can change, how quickly people can be taken from you. It all becomes very precious.
Anyway...thoughts on a rainy day.

What a weekend!!

2006-01-16T18:48:00.000-08:00

The birthday weekend was a complete success!! The little one's big sister flew down to surprise her...that was the best present ever!! The spend the night bash was fun. It was a crazy weekend, now to regroup!
I can't believe I am going to be 30 tomorrow...denial can be a wonderful thing!! Hopefully I will hear from Jeff, but I'm not going to expect it. I know he wants to call, but somethings you can't control.
Time to concentrate on projects and.....who am I kidding. This stinks!!!
Just a bad night I guess. Tired and full of questions about my husband. Trying not think about it just doesn't work sometimes. I guess denial only works when you're turning 30..not when you miss your true love.

We're minus a chicken...again!

2006-01-10T16:38:00.000-08:00

Well, came home today to find that we are down a chicken. Ruby, may she rest in peace, decided to take a walk on the wrong side of the fence and got gobbled up. It was actually pretty traumatic. I didn't see the whole thing go down, just the aftermath. I walked around the garage and saw a pile a red feathers and my dalmation standing there with a tuft of red feathers hanging from her mouth. She looked at me as if to say "What, I'm a dog. What did you expect?" I couldn't really yell at just at her because the other two dogs had feathers in their mouths as well. So I commenced to yelling at everydamnbody! Of course, five minutes later they act as if nothing happened.
Oh well, you got chickens, you got dogs, go figure.
Heard from Jeff today. Just when I think its going to be forever before I talk to him again, he finds a way to call. After this time though, it may be awhile. He was about to move to another location, so who knows when he will get set up again. Its amazing how a phone call can put me at ease. Damn, I miss him. I even miss him yelling at the tv when a football game's on. (Never thought I'd say that!)
Anyway, getting ready for the big birthday spend the night party for the little one this weekend!! Whoo-hoo!! It's gonna be a good weekend. I have chosen to forget about my birthday next week because it is the big 3-0! Yeah, that's right. Everyone tells me that 30 is worse than 40, even my hubby! I'm like, thanks, needed to hear that! I really don't care about the whole age thing. My husband is few years older than me. My stepdad is 26 or so years older than my mom, and, hell, I'm still getting tattoos! No, I'm not white trash, I just choose to wear my art permanently!!
Its been one week since Jeff set off over the big blue. I can only hope that all the weeks to come will pass as quickly as this one has. Man, I love marking off those days!!

He's not a Chubina after all...

2006-01-09T11:48:00.000-08:00

Our rooster actually works!!!! After a few months of no crowing from our rooster, Chubby Checker, the little one started calling him Chubina. Well, today, he became a man!
My husband called at 3:00am this morning and it was the best talk yet. It was clear and we didn't get cut off. He sounded so good and rested. He said they are feeding him well. I sort of spoiled him at home with eating. Being a chef, I guess I feel guilty when I don't cook dinner, so he eats pretty well.
I went back to sleep and started dreaming. It was weird because I was dreaming that his coworkers from the police department came by to check on us and I was cooking breakfast and making coffee. Everyone was gathered in my kitchen and I was updating them on Jeff. Instead of the coffee pot beeping to let me know that it was ready, it was crowing! No Joke!! It went on and on! I woke up to a kiss on the cheek and giggle from the little one. We were both laughing about Chubby finally crowing. He sounded so funny! His voice was actually sort of cracking! It was the best way to wake up. The first person I wanted to tell was Jeff. On the few mornings we got to sleep late, he would always open the blinds and we would watch the chickens first thing in the morning. We would lie in bed and listen to them clucking around and always wonder when Chubby was going to sing for us.
I'm feeling better each day that goes by....because that means more days to mark off on the calendar. Hopefully I will have so many projects to do, it will fly by...Paint the front porch, restain the back deck, put quarter round down, plant the garden, start fencing lessons (that's right!), clean out the garage (for real this time), paint the trim in the house Jeff told me I would never get around to, and help my mom at her artist's retreat! She has some land in another town with a little house and a creek and she hopes to move there when she retires. Its beautiful, peaceful, and a great place for her to concentrate on her artwork.
That's another thing I need to focus on more. I used to be darn good artist, but sort of got out the habit of sketching everyday. Now I find myself drawing tattoo designs for people. Which is cool because before he left, Jeff got one that I designed. His has alot to do with the book "Gates of Fire" by Steven Pressfield. It is a Spartan warrior with Greek lettering that says duty, honor, country.
The book is historial fiction. It is about the battle of Thermopylae, where the Spartan army stood 300 strong against the Persian army. It was considered a suicide mission, but it bought valuable time for the rest of the Greek army to rally their forces. The warriors are born into "a cult of spiritual courage, physical endurance, and unmatched battle skill." Basically, these guys kicked ass!! The book meant alot to us because mindset of these particular warriors is so honorable and true. Jeff wanted me to read it because in the end, the real backbone of these men were their wives. The 300 warriors were picked because they had the strongest women. It was the women in their lives that gave them strength.
I'm not a particularly religious person myself, therefore, I have always felt that love is the one thing in this world you could count on. So basically the love that we have is the most real and spiritual thing I have in my life. That may sound a little corny, but that's how it is!!
I got another tattoo myself, but it wasn't nearly as momentous. I have to go Wednesday for the color. (Sorry Mom) At least the tattoos I have are pretty????
Anyway, things are good, as good as they can be. Just missing my man.

Holy cow...

2006-01-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

I heard from my husband...he made it there safely. I didn't realize how much better I would feel after I talked with him that first time. I felt like I was holding my breath!! Of course, we got cut off...thought that would happen. We only spoke for a few minutes, but it was great. He got to talk to the little one, so that made her day.
He talked about how cold it is there...we live in the heart of the south....so its even colder to him!!! This morning got the first email from him and one more short phone call. I guess that's pretty good considering he has only been there a few days. He is moving to another location where the communication is supposed to be better, so maybe we won't have long stretches of not talking. At first I was disappointed in myself for being so upset. My mom told me that the first time my dad left, she went to bed for 24 hours. Then she got up, gathered herself, and lived day by day.
She's right. The first few weeks will be sort of like a grieving process. Its only normal to feel sad and upset that your true love has been temporarily taken from you. Temporarily is the key word. This too shall pass......
Now I have to concentrate on getting ready for spring...garden time! I haven't been running as much as i should, so I've got to get back on schedule with that. The little one's birthday is soon, we are planning a big spend the night party!! Give me strength....or a bloody mary!!

He's on his way.....

2006-01-03T15:08:00.000-08:00

Well, the day finally came. My husband is on his way to Afghanistan as I type. Don't know when I will talk with him again..maybe in a few days.
I am so lucky that he got to come home for Christmas. We all went to my Mom's and it was fantastic!! On New Year's, the restaurant where I work was closed (imagine that) and the owner said we could have it for the night! A couple of guys that are going with him came and of course several of our friends...it was great!! We had the run of the place...then paid for it the next day!
Now begins the long haul. I begin a new year with a brand new calendar. This calendar has more days than all the rest, I swear it!! I started flipping through to his tenative arrival date. There are a whole lotta days between now and then. I am going to try and break it up as best as I can. When spring starts roll around, I know I will be busier with the garden.
I feel sort of numb right now. I don't think that it has really hit me that I won't be seeing him for so long. Not hearing from him will be the biggest adjustment. We have always tried to let each other know how much we love each other. We have both been through so much heartache and disappointment that when we found each other, we knew we would never take for granted what we have.
My grandfather, father, and stepfather were all in the military and all saw combat. Therefore my grandmother and mother both went through deployments. Deployments that involved combat and lots of not knowing. We both felt like it was our time. Our time to sacrifice, our time to put all other things aside for the bigger picture.
War can seem so romantic when your sitting on your couch watching your tv. You hear about all the love stories, the heroism, the tales of bravery.....it doesn't feel so romantic right now. Actually, one of the definitions of romanticism is "given to thoughts or feelings of adventure, heroism, or love." Well, he most definitely has adventure right now, he is for sure my hero, and i try every day to make him feel loved....maybe this will be a tale of romance. A tale of love found and love reunited and all that sappy stuff.
Yeah, this is the start of a great book! (I'm trying to be positive, really I am!) We'll show 'em! Screw 'em all! Nothin' can stop a love like ours!
Ok, I'm good. Just a little side tracked...trying to find the positive. I am NOT going to be a weepy, depressed left behinder. I'm going to be the strong Spartan wife that sheds no tears and is the real backbone of the warrior. (Read "Gates of Fire" by Steven Pressfield.)
This war ain't got JACK on us baby!
I love my husband, my soldier, my friend. I have to remind myself that I am a part of this too. It helps more than I thought it would. The more I feel in control the better, illusion or not. Time can be your worst enemy or your best friend.
I love you, babe! I am with you always!!!

Some new additions....

2005-11-28T06:25:00.000-08:00

Well...we have some new additions to our household, sorta. Thanksgiving was perfect except for one thing. Isabella decided to stretch her wings and Dottie decided to eat her. Well, Dottie actually didn't eat her, but close enough. It was sad, but life on the farm....Ha! The little one and I took a trip to our chicken lady that afternoon. We were going to get one new chicken but brought home three! They're just too cute!!
They are small, but will start laying in a month or two. One is a light brown with black specks, that's Sandy. The other is white, brown and green, no name yet. And the third has quite a hairdo..her name is Phyllis!! I'll post some pictures soon......
Like I said, Thanksgiving was perfect...and all the family is still talking, well as much as they used to anyway!! Hey, what's the holidays with out a little family drama!!
Jeff is back in Mississippi...three more weeks till he comes back home for Christmas! Than comes the big stretch. I really have adjusted...saying goodbye wasn't as sad this time. Knowing I will see him soon helps. I know the big goodbye isn't going to be so easy...oh well.
The little one is handling everything like a trooper. She helps me so much with everything. Everytime Jeff comes home and sees both of us, he says its helps him remember what he is doing this for....I have to remember sometimes myself.

Going to be great Thanksgiving!!

2005-11-20T09:12:00.000-08:00

I can't wait for Thanksgiving...Jeff is coming home!!! He gets here Tuesday and has to leave Sunday!! We actually get to see each other for more than a few hours at a time!! Yippee!!

He might get to come home for Christmas, but I will believe that when I see it!!
Things here have been great. We have been very busy at the bakery with holiday orders and such. Its always a busy time of the year for restaurants.

Our little farm is doing great! Okay, so its not really a "farm, " But hey...we live outside the city and I have to buy chicken feed and I have to "harvest" crops form our garden....so I feel ok in calling a little farm!! Both of our hens are producing eggs now. We actually get more than we can eat, so I give a few away every now and then.

Chubby Checker is still silent..maybe I got mute rooster?

Isabella is now our newest egg producer...she is a little "Miss Priss!"

Ruby is our alpha hen...heck she is the alpha period!!

Boodro is our smallest dog...and the cutest. I found him Louisiana, on Valentine's Day, on a little dirt road about three years ago. He had an old injury to his front right leg when I found him, so he can look quite pitiful! I think he has learned to milk his disability!!

Dottie is the oldest, 11. She can be quite moody at times, but hey, can't we all? I have had her since a puppy, she's my girl. She is definitely a country dog...she also thinks she is a lap dog. She mostly stands there and drools over the chickens!

Cooper is the youngest and gets in the most trouble. He is so darn cute its hard to get mad at him. He is just in his puppy phase....hopefully!

The idea of Jeff going away for so long isn't as horrific as it used to be. Don't get me wrong, its still hard to think about him being on the other side of the world in such a dangerous place. But I guess the mind just learns to accept certain things. If not, you couldn't cope with half the stuff that happens in your life. I'm just concentrating on what I have to do here. Day by day, week by week. It will be over before we know it!!

Chubby Checker's getting bigger!

2005-10-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

Before my husband left, we had talked about getting some chickens. Yes, its Alabama, yes we live in the country, sort of. This is nothing compared to where I grew up! Anyway...so the chickens. When he was activated, he switched into "Gotta get everything done" mode. That meant rearranging the garage, getting the cars tuned up, showing me the the tricks to get the lawnmower started, and chickens. Within about one day he had built a chicken coupe, fit for the cock or hen of the walk! So we called a number we found in the paper. This led a to a little old lady's house. We now refer to her as the chicken lady. She had hundreds of birds. Guineas, turkeys, ducks, geese, and of course, chickens!
I picked out a big fat red one, Ruby, and a pure white one, Isabell. Made it home with no incidents, and let 'em loose! The minute we put them in the coupe, it shrunk. We knew we had to add another suite to the chicken palace.
So, the next afternoon, we added a very nice front yard completely lined with chicken wire, even the top! Then, we decided we needed a little noise, so we go get a rooster. I picked out a black and white one with red around its head. The chicken lady said it was young, so it might take a few weeks for it to crow. No problem.
We brought Chubby Checker home and introduced him to the lady's. They immediately commence to pecking the hell out of him! Poor guy! But he has since learned how to handle them and seems to be doing ok.
I usually get one egg a day, but today, there was two. I think Isabell is finally catching up to 'ol Ruby. And Chubby Checker, he's getting bigger!!! I can't wait to hear those first few pitiful attempts to show the world he is a man by belting out the equivalent of boy's voice cracking through puberty!!
I had talked my husband about getting chickens for so long. He wanted to be sure that I had them before he left. He is such a good man in that way. Yes, he spoils me, yes he tries to give me everything I want. I wanted love, safety, friendship, fun and trust...He has given me all of that and more....CHICKENS!!!

What a great weekend!!!

2005-10-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

My husband actually got to leave for the weekend, well for one night! Hey, I'll take it! We met at the beach because it is a much shorter drive for him than me. I got there Friday and had to wait until Saturday at 3:30 before he arrived. Most people would think its great to be stuck at the beach all by yourself, but I couldn't wait to see him. I count my lucky stars that we can at least see each other every now and then. So many women can't see there loved ones. I know when January comes, I won't see him for a long time. That's why I love all these little visits now.
Anyway, we met at the beach and watched some football first. I didn't complain because he is a big fan. His team won, thank goodness! We then went for a walk on the beach...we were going to go for a run, but after a fews beers watchin the game...no way! Afterwards we just hung out a drank wine and talked forever. We finally left to go eat at about 9:00 pm, lost track of time. We felt like kids again. I guess it was being at the beach, no cares or worries..just being together.
The next morning, we got to watch the sunrise over the ocean from our bed. Beautiful! We had coffee and breakfast and talked some more. What an incredible visit! I realize every time I'm with him what a good man he is and what a good friend. I dread what's coming up..
Well started another week of work. Actually working on my resume. I love my job, but the restaurant industry is so fickle. I work for a bunch of hippie wanna be's...nothin wrong with that...just makes me nervous.
There really isn't much stability in this industry sometimes...unless you do corporate work or country clubs...no thanks. I'm going to try for some test kitchens. There are about four large pulishers here that house test kitchens. I think it would a great job, and much more stable!
It would be a little scary to change jobs while he's gone....but I think I can handle everything at home ok. Thank goodness for school buses!!
Tomorrow's another day........

Marking off the days....

2005-10-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, this is the first entry. I've been keeping a journal, but maybe this will be a little more satisfying. Here's the story, my husband was activated in September 2005 to go to Afghanistan in January. Now we have begun a semi-separation because he is a state away for training. Miraculously, he got to come home for our first anniversary last weekend. It was fantastic. Forgot how handsome he is!! Shows you what distance can do.
What made this whole situation worse was he was on again and off again for activation 8 times! Talk about an emotional roller coaster. It wasn't confirmed until three days before he left....so lots of time prepare, HA! I know this is typical stuff for most military wives. I guess it threw us for a loop because of the back and forth. I'm used to worrying about him, he's a police officer in his civilian life. Can't believe I'd ever prefer him to be a cop!!
The other thing is that I don't know any other women in my area who have husbands that are being deployed. Being the National Guard, we are all so spread out. The only information I've gotten is through him. No family readiness officer, nothing. Just a big folder with tons a paperwork and information I've read five times. This may be par for the course. I guess because people were telling me I would get so much information and help in getting ready for his deployment, I thought there would be more communications about what to expect.
I have so many unanswered questions. How do we communicate once he is there? How often can we talk? Can we email? Talk on the phone? I know many of these questions will be answered once he's there...just being impatient.
I'm so glad that we have the relationship that we do. No matter how much I miss him, I know he misses me just as much. I've always told him that I felt like he is with me even when we're miles apart...this will be the real test of that statement. As long as he comes home to me....I can adjust to anything.
I've already repainted almost every room in the house, even the shutters!!! Got my fall garden going, we even got chickens right before he left. As the weather turns cooler, it makes me a little sad not to have him to snuggle with. We had our honeymoon this time last year, so the weather brings back memories.
All in all, not too bad so far. I know it will be worse when he leaves the country..but I'll deal with that when it comes. Tomorrow's another day.......